Natural Progressions

Disclaimer: Mine no! CBS, Anthony Zuiker et al Yes! Pity :o( "Got A Hold On Me" belongs to Shania Twain.
Author's Note: Blame Billy, Marg and Shania for these little pieces. They keep Acting these out in my head! Have only seen up to LHB so don't Know how accurate I am on some things so please be kind!
Dedication: To Aby as always and you certainly know why girl! To VividlyBlue for Reading all my crap no matter how bad or sick! LOL


Chapter 17a: Got A Hold On Me

Catherine Willows sat on the sofa in the living room of her home. Her head in her hands, shoulders slumped, eyes red rimmed and her face tear stained. She couldn't believe how messed up her life had become in the space of a few short days.

She thought she had finally broken the mould and learned from past mistakes, that she'd actually chosen right this time. He'd seemed honest, sincere, kind, loving and he'd even adored her daughter treating her like his own, but the pictures she'd found had shown that Gil Grissom was as capable of cheating as all the other men in her life had been.

"Damn!" her shout echoed in the unpopulated room, "what's wrong with me?" Was she deficient in some way that sent the men she loved into the arms of other women? But it wasn't just that, it was who Gil had gone with, a Dominatrix, Lady Heather!

Catherine had never thought Gil would go for that sort. Oh sure, he let her take the lead a lot of the time in their lovemaking, but he'd said that was because she was happiest when she was in control, and when she was happy so was he. Had that been a lie?

The problem was that even though she was angry, hurt and disappointed she didn't know if she had the strength to walk away from him. Could she start over, see him night after night; work along side him as if nothing had happened? For the first time in her life Catherine doubted herself.

"Never doubt, never look back. That's how I live my life," she had told him after the Syd Goggle case, but with Gil Grissom it wasn't that easy.

You got a hold on me
You're standing over me
Sometimes I hardly breathe at all
I need a little room
I need a lot of moon
I got to find it soon or I'll fall
Into the emptiness
Into the dark abyss
Too deep to climb the walls
Sometimes I want to flee
But that could never be
You got a hold on me

Tears started to fall again and she wiped them away angrily. "Damn the man," she muttered. Even when he was the one who'd done the wrong thing, he had her tied up in knots and feeling guilty. She thought of his face as she'd stormed into his office, he'd looked lost, lonely, defeated. He'd been the perfect picture of a man whose world had just fallen apart.

'Well fine, so he should have,' she thought, trying hard to stay angry with him for the hurt he'd caused her.

If they'd had a problem why couldn't he have come to her with it, or talked to Warrick? Hell, he'd even told her about his discussion with Al Robbins when they were just getting together. So why had he ran to the arms of Lady Heather?

Or had he? Doubt crept into her mind. She vaguely remembered the gossip that had circulated at the time of Eddie's murder, something about Grissom and a prostitute. She'd been so caught up in her grief, worrying about how Lindsey would cope, and her anger at their inability to catch his murderer.

What little that had penetrated her overtaxed mind she'd discounted, Grissom wasn't the type. But what if the 'prostitute' had been Lady Heather and the story true? Her heart skipped a beat as hope reared its head, then despair came crashing in again. The pictures had been dated; fifteen weeks ago not one year ago when the gossip had surfaced but while they were together.

She sat there trying to close down, not to think, not feel, not to care, but she heard his voice in her head, "but if I ever screw this up, be patient with me?" his eyes had been troubled, "I'm new at this sharing and loving business and I'm bound to make the odd mistake. But I would never willingly or knowingly do anything to hurt or harm you or Lindsey."

He'd been so worried when he said that. Learning to open up, to trust, and adapting to becoming a part of their family, it had all frightened him at first but he'd seemed to cope so well. Could she be as patient as he'd asked? Was there another explanation for the evidence she'd seen? Maybe she should have let him explain when he'd tried?

You got a hold on me
And I'm dancing to your song
You got a hold on me
And it's my heart you're holding on

A knock came at the door, startling her, she thought if she ignored it who ever was there would take the hint and leave. She couldn't handle any sympathy or a pep talk from any of the well-meaning members of their team, their friends.

"Catherine Willows, I know you're in there," an angry voice echoed through the house.

She sighed, with a heavy heart and a tired step Catherine walked to the front door and opened it.

"Good," came the reply from outside, "we need to talk..."