Goggled

Disclaimer: Mine no! CBS, Anthony Zuiker et al Yes! Pity :o(
Spoilers: Strip Strangler and LHB
Dedication: To Jac for picking up the slack once again when Aby was too ill to do so And to Vividlyblue1 for giving me back my inspiration
Author's Note: This is a follow up to Strip Strangler but it's set about two years later.The premise being what if Syd Goggle had a friend who had taught Him everything he knew? This is my Challenge Alphabet fic for the Letter R for Revenge.


Chapter 7

Stepping into Grissom's apartment had a strange feeling to it. This was the first time Catherine had been here since the attack and she could see Gil wasn't that comfortable being here either. 'Which is why we're doing this,' she thought to herself.

They had stopped at Catherine's on their way over so she could pick up a few things, so leaving Gil to serve the dinner she headed to the bedroom. What she saw when she got there shocked her.

"Gil!" he heard her voice echoing from the room and cringed. Grissom knew he should have warned her but he couldn't bring himself to admit how badly that event had affected him.

Catherine came storming back into the room to find him standing exactly where she'd left him still clutching the bags with their Chinese take away in them. "You've been coming back here every night for the last six weeks supposedly to rest, so where the hell have you been sleeping?"

The guilty look that came over his face answered her question succinctly. He hadn't been sleeping at all. "You mean you've been surviving on the cat naps you've been taking on that sofa in your office all this time?" This was getting beyond the ridiculous. She walked over to him wrapping her arms around his waist and resting her head on his chest. She felt him tense and then force himself to relax.

"Listen," she told him, "put the dinner in the oven and go get a shower, I'll be right back," and she headed back to the bedroom.

Once Gil disappeared into the bathroom Catherine put her plan into action, and she had her work cut out for her. Clearly Grissom had only been going into the room to get clean clothing and nothing else. The bed was unmade, bloody stained sheets still in place, there was finger print powder everywhere and the room smelled stale and of old chemicals. Returning to the house had seemed like a big step in his recovery but this room had obviously been a step too far for him to make on his own and being the type of person he was he hadn't known how to ask for help. Well, she was here now and all that was going to change.

She didn't let Gil into the bedroom after his shower, pushing him toward the living room and food instead.

"But Cath..." he protested, indicating the fact that he was clad only in a towel," can't I even get some clothes?"

Giving him a mischievous grin she took him by the hand commenting, "You're dressed more than sufficiently for our plans." The moment she said it she regretted it and felt him tense. "It's all right, Gil," she assured him, turning to face him, cupping his cheek with her hand and seeing the fear in his eyes, "we won't do anything you don't feel ready for, okay?"

It was one of the happiest moments of her life when he leant into her hand as she caressed his face. She had been so sure he would recoil again, but he didn't, he took her hand in his and kissed her palm.

Sighing at the pleasure this simple gesture gave her, Catherine asked, "Why don't we skip dinner and go to bed?" She could see the willingness in his eyes clash with the rigid fear of his body. He wanted to be near her, intimate with her but he was scared. "It's all right, Gil," she smiled at him, "we'll take it as slow as you need it to be."

Grissom gave himself a shake, mentally and physically. He wanted this and it was Catherine, what was he so afraid of? She wouldn't hurt him or abuse him; she was his lover and cared as deeply for him as he did for her.

He took her hand smiling shyly and led her to his bedroom. At the doorway he stood, hesitating. This was where the nightmare came flooding back. Only it wasn't a dream it was reality. He hadn't been able to enter the room except for the few scant seconds it took him to retrieve clean clothes and underwear to allow him to lead his life normally at least to the eyes of the outside world. Other than that he hadn't been able to force himself over the threshold and the thought of spending the day in there terrified him. Then he admonished himself, that was one of the reasons he brought Catherine over here today wasn't it?

Catherine moved in front of him gripping the door handle and taking Grissom by the hand, "Come on, Gil," she encouraged him, "it's just a room... your room, he's not here any more, he can't hurt you."

He shivered, this was just plain stupid. Bringing his breathing back to normal he walked through the door after her and stopped in surprise, "Cath... how?"

She had not only cleaned the place but had totally rearranged the furniture as well. It looked like a completely different room. He marvelled at what she had accomplished in such a relatively short space of time.

"Later we'll go shopping for some paint and some new furniture," she told him and he nodded his acquiescence, he liked the idea of a fresh start for the room as well as himself.

"Shall we?" Catherine suggested walking to the bed and discarding her clothes as she went. Grissom loved to watch her move, everything she did had a sensual aspect to it and this was no exception. She stopped by the bed and turned to face him, completely nude. His breath caught in his throat, God she was beautiful.

"You're over dressed," she purred, lifting an eyebrow suggestively as she prowled toward him and with a flick of her wrist she removed his towel. She smiled at the surprised look on his face. She had a plan for this morning and hoped it would work. If it did he would be able to face his demons and hopefully pass them.

Catherine pulled Gil with her and laid him down on the bed, "Lie on your right side," she told him, seeing the fear reassert itself in his eyes and his body language, "it's okay, Gil, you're completely in control here," she laid her hand on his shoulder, offering strength and reassurance. "We'll only go as far as you can handle, no further."

Grissom realised what she was trying to do. She was trying to desensitise him to the manner in which the attack had occurred. If he could face up to Catherine taking up position in the places his assailant had been during the attack, positions that could be perceived as perfectly normal during sex, then perhaps he could handle the close proximity of others in less threatening situations, like his office. It was worth a try so he went along with it, regardless of how much it scared him.

The moment he felt the mattress give under her weight he began to panic. He swung his legs over to the side of the bed and tried to rise, to run away. "Gil, it's just me, remember?" Catherine said from behind him not daring to touch him in case it made matters worse, "You're perfectly safe here, okay?" she tried to reassure him.

He berated himself for his cowardice. If he kept this up his attacker would have gained another victory and he didn't want that. He also didn't know how much more of this Catherine could take and the last thing he wanted was to lose her. Taking a steadying breath he lay back down in front of Catherine.

She lay down behind him with her left arm draped over his chest. She trailed her fingertips across his pectorals, he inhaled and held his breath but she kept going. He had always been really sensitive at his nipples and she decided to use that against him now. She began tracing ever-decreasing circles around the nearest one tickling and nipping as she did so. All the while she nibbled and suckled on his ear lobe doing all she could to distract him.

His breathing quickened and he tried to relax into the moment. This was Catherine, he was safe with her and she knew his body so well. He desperately wanted their relationship back on track, all of it, no more hiding from it. Running from his desire and thought of her responses. He gasped as her hand moved lower, tracing a delicate pattern over his stomach and around his navel at the same time she moved from his earlobe to his neck.

He felt panic begin to rise again and squashed it, refusing to give into it this time. That bastard was not going to win. He was not going to ruin his life and the happiness he had finally found with Catherine, so he let her continue to do what she wanted without any protest.

Catherine could feel Gil fighting his fear and wondered whether it would be best to stop and give him time to recoup or continue, pushing past his fear with actions? Was she pushing him too far too fast? When he settled once more and didn't say anything she decided to keep going, he would have told her to stop if he couldn't handle it. She moved her hand down to his genitals and was relieved to feel him responding to her caresses. 'That was something at least,' she thought, but then remembered his desolation at the fact that his attacker had been able to make him respond as well.

Suppressing her doubts deep down where he would never see them, she ran her hand along his length, squeezing the tip as she reached it and heard him groan, his hips moving reflexively. She kept this up all the while licking and kissing on his neck where it met the shoulder. She knew how much he liked that and it didn't take long until he was trembling.

Pushing herself up on one elbow, she leaned over him and said, "Gil, turn onto your back." It took him a moment or two to respond but eventually he did what she asked. She could see the fear and reluctance in his eyes battle with his need to co-operate. Catherine straddled him but stayed at hip level not wanting to completely freak him by mirroring events too closely. There was no room in their lovemaking for restraint not when his control on his emotions was as tenuous as it was now. She leaned down and kissed him, sucking on his bottom lip and slipping her tongue into his mouth. There was no duel, no battle for supremacy, he simply sighed, feeling content for the first time in weeks.

Catherine could feel some of the tension easing from his body and hoped she wasn't going to ruin things. Taking her lips from his mouth, she travelled downward, licking, kissing and suckling as she went paying careful attention to every single one of his hotspots lavishing her touch on them in turn. Out of the edge of her vision she could see his hand flexing and curling, but he made no attempt to touch her. She made her way determinedly to his manhood.

She trailed her tongue along the underside of his shaft and all over his length. He gave a strangled moan at the sensations that began in his groin, as she lathed around his tip. But he sat bolt up right in sheer terror, grabbing at her hair, pulling her off of him, when she took him into her mouth.

"No! Please! Stop! Don't!"

This was not the reaction she had expected or had been hoping for. She knew she was good at this and normally Gil thoroughly enjoyed her expertise. What was different this time? He tried to get up off of the bed, away from her and what her actions represented to him, but she grabbed his arm and pulled him back down again to sit beside her.

"Gil, what is it?" she asked him, her voice soft but full of concern, "what's wrong?"

He wouldn't, couldn't look at her, too ashamed at what he had tried to hide. No matter what he said now she wouldn't be able to respect him. He had lied, even if it was by omission, and that was against the rules they had.

"Talk to me Gil?" Catherine almost pleaded with him. He was fighting something, something he didn't want her to know and she didn't want to force him but she was frightened of letting it fester as well. Better for him to talk about it now than brood on it later in silence.

He looked down at his hands in his lap and was suddenly embarrassed by his own nudity. As if sensing this, Catherine reached behind them and pulled a sheet over them. He clasped the sheet tightly and started to speak hesitantly.

"I didn't tell you everything... about the... attack."

She took one of his hands in both of hers, trying to stop him from ringing them nervously. There was little else she could do but wait for him to unburden himself. She tried to radiate support and comfort.

"After he drugged me, while he was waiting on it working..." He didn't want to continue, didn't want to tell anyone, let alone Catherine, what had happened in that relatively short space of time. "He... he... fondled me until... until I was... was hard," she thought she heard him swallowing a sob of anguish but let him continue on at his own pace, still holding on tightly to his hand.

"Then he put a condom on me and..." he really couldn't say it, let her know what he'd let that pervert do to him, get away with. Couldn't tell how his body had betrayed him from the beginning; let him down when he needed his control the most. Instead he said, "I guess he was worried we might get DNA from his saliva secretions."

Catherine bowed her head for a moment, then realised that Grissom could misinterpret her reaction and looked at him instead, "You did nothing wrong, Gil."

He still wouldn't look at her, kept staring at his hands or the sheet or the floor, anywhere but at her face, "no matter what he did to you there was nothing you could have done about it. You were drugged and he knew you wouldn't be able to fight back. That was why he did it."

"That's not completely true and we both know it," he snapped, his emotions coming roiling to the surface, "It takes time for any drug to take effect. I should have been able to fight back, but I didn't I was too scared."

She couldn't believe what he was saying. Not that he was scared, he'd have been a fool if he wasn't, or a masochist, and Gil Grissom was neither. She couldn't handle him thinking so badly of himself. "Gil, you had a concussion for god's sake, between that and the drugs you didn't stand a chance of retaliating." She was so angry but right now she wasn't sure who at. "Dammit, Gil, give yourself a break will you?"

Catherine grabbed his face and made him look at her, see her honest anger and concern. "You were the victim, damn you, stop torturing yourself because of what some sick son of a bitch did to you!"

He sat there looking at her; unshed tears sparkling in his eyes. He wanted so much to believe her. Wanted to think he was incapable of fighting back, but some small part of him still doubted, still rebelled at the thought that he had done all he could.

"I won't let that pervert take away from us one of the things we both enjoy, what you enjoy," she told him softly, looking deep into his eyes. "Do you trust me?"

Blinking back the tears he looked away to centre himself and then turned to face her again, "With my life and all that I am," he told her sincerely. His sincerity almost broke her heart. He was trying so hard to be the man he thought she admired but that was what he always was and he didn't have to try.

Catherine moved around him and gathered up the pillows on the bed and then the extra two she had seen in the closet when she'd been changing the linen and the curtains. Grissom watched her intrigued, as she placed them all at the head of the bed on his side and then turned to him.

"Lie back against the pillows," she told him, smiling at his surprise. He was still nervous but he did as she asked. "I want you to be able to see what I'm doing so you can see it's me not that twat who attacked you," she gave him a reassuring look, love brimming in her eyes. "I want you to be aware that it's part of our lovemaking, part of our bonding and not something he tried to cheapen and take away from us."

Once he was comfortable, she knelt on the bed at his feet. Smiling she bent and kissed the inside of each ankle, then slowly made her way up his limbs, kissing, licking and suckling her way to his groin. As she reached his inner thighs, another of his hotspots, she paid careful attention to them, spending sometime driving him mad with her touch.

He clenched his fists in the bed sheet, panting and gasping at the feelings she was creating. Only Catherine could do this to him. But still panic flared when she began running her tongue over his balls and up along the underneath of his shaft. His initial reaction was to hit out, to run, but she looked up at him smiling and he relaxed slightly, remembering what Catherine had said. This had always been part of their lovemaking, it was a gift she loved to give him and one that he relished, so he tried to hold on to that thought and forced himself to relax, to enjoy it the way he used to. He looked down at Catherine and saw her looking up at him her eyes sparkling, he smiled at her and she chuckled long and loudly. He gasped, his head sliding back onto the headboard as he revelled in the sensations that caused. She knew exactly what laughing at a time like this did to him and it made her do it all the more.

Catherine's smile deepened as she watched his head loll back, this was more like his normal reaction and she was glad to see he could given into it. She could see his hands tightening around a clump of the sheets and thought of what a sweetheart he was. He would never allow himself to touch her when she did this. He'd told her once that if he did he'd feel as though he was forcing her to do something she was uncomfortable with and that just wasn't in his nature. With the almost instant gratification this gave them both that was never likely to happen.

She swirled her tongue over his tip as she laughed once more and felt his hips rise up off the bed in response. "Ahhh... Catherine..." he gasped as he looked down into her eyes once more.

He looked so beautiful, almost angelic and she thought her heart might burst at the sight and when she considered all they had almost lost because of some sick bastard and his need for revenge.

Suddenly his entire body tensed, his eyes going wide as he fought to keep them open, fought to remain in eye contact with her so no fear could intrude. As he exploded she felt moisture pool between her legs at the sight.

"Wow!" he exclaimed in surprise, as his body continued to buck and tremble in the aftermath. She kept up her ministrations till she felt his body go limp and relaxed, "that was just incredible," he smiled radiantly, "better than usual and that's saying a lot." She couldn't help smiling at his contentment that was tinged with surprise.

He actually giggled before he stated, "Now get your butt up here, it's your turn," and there was a hint of devilment in his sparkling blue eyes.

'Finally,' she thought quietly to herself, even hiding it from her expression, 'he's coming back to me, we're gonna win.'