Goggled

Disclaimer: Mine no! CBS, Anthony Zuiker et al Yes! Pity :o(
Spoilers: Strip Strangler and LHB
Dedication: To Jac for picking up the slack once again when Aby was too ill to do so And to Vividlyblue1 for giving me back my inspiration
Author's Note: This is a follow up to Strip Strangler but it's set about two years later.The premise being what if Syd Goggle had a friend who had taught Him everything he knew? This is my Challenge Alphabet fic for the Letter R for Revenge.


Chapter 6

Stealthily, and feeling more than a little foolish at her approach, Catherine trailed Grissom to his room making sure he didn't see her. She waited until he was ensconced in his chair, knee deep in paper work and giving no attention to what was going on outside. Then she strode into the room, closed the door and locked it behind her. She saw the look of panic bloom in his eyes, even though he tried to hide it, and watched as his gaze swung from her to the closed door as if trying to come up with some escape plan.

Catherine never gave him a chance. Hating herself for doing it, but trying to prove a point, she walked over to his chair, rolled it away from his desk and straddled his lap.

"You and I need to discuss a few things, Gil," she told him, determination ringing in her voice.

Much as he wanted to run, and he knew she could see it, he knew that he was being irrational. This was Catherine, his friend, his safety net, his confident and his lover. If he was this scared of being alone with her something was definitely wrong and suddenly he felt strangely relieved that she had decided to confront him. For if she couldn't help him he didn't think anyone could.

"What's on your mind?" he asked sincerely, not even trying out one of his trademark pouting smiles, this was serious and he wouldn't trivialise it.

Catherine was startled by his openness. She'd expected a fight, but the fact he was willing to discuss things might mean he knew there was a problem? "You're running Gil and it's got to stop before we can't catch up to you." She told him.

He lowered his eyes, ashamed as he realised the truth in her statement. He'd been so scared these last weeks that he hadn't even seen it himself. He jumped when Catherine put her fingers under his chin and pushed his head up, trying to make eye contact with him. There was a hint of anger in her eyes, but he was surprised to see it wasn't direct at him.

"Why are you angry at yourself?" he asked, "I'm the one who screwed up, I'm the one at fault." He jumped and winced when she slapped his head. The slap wasn't hard enough to hurt him, just enough to get his attention, "Ow, what was that for?"

She glared at him, rubbing her hand up and down his chest, "You didn't do anything wrong," she told him her voice edged with anger, "none of this is your fault and the sooner you realise it the better." She could tell by the look on his face that despite all the weeks talking to the counsellor he was no further convinced of his non-compliance than when Nick had confronted him with it.

"Gil that bastard hit you when you were at your most vulnerable, he planned every last detail down to the time he chose to attack," she tried listing all the facts for him again hoping this time it would sink in, "No one stood a chance of standing up to him, he beat you and drugged you and tied you up, even the inestimable Gil Grissom has his limitations you know, you're not superman." Her phrasing brought a small half smile to his lips but it was a shadow of its former self.

Changing tact, Catherine informed him, "What I'm annoyed at is that like everyone else around here I fell for your everything is back to normal act," she glared at him again, "if it hadn't been for that outburst last night I might never have got wise to it, and I should have known better."

Right before her eyes he started to turn in on himself, ashamed of how he'd been attacked, how he'd done nothing to prevent it or help the investigation and how he'd hidden from his friends and upset Catherine.

"Gil, stop it!" she exclaimed slapping him again and staring right into his eyes, "you're supposed to be scared, some self doubt is even normal, but you could try letting your friends help you?"

It was difficult for him to accept help from others, especially when it meant opening up to them, letting them inside the carefully crafted walls he had constructed to protect himself. But he had to be honest with himself too, she was right and it would be wonderful not to be frightened anymore, to be comfortable with his team again and to be relaxed and loving with Catherine, that he missed most of all.

Sitting watching him, Catherine was surprised to see the emotions flitter across his face as he digested what she had said. He surprised her again when he glanced at his watch, looked up into her eyes and seemed to come to a decision.

"This shift is all but finished," he said hesitantly and clearly anxious about what he was going to say, "come home with me, Cath, I'm tired of being alone and scared?" He phrased it as a question praying she would do as he asked.

Instead of answering him she took out her cell phone and dialled. "Yeah Nancy?" she said when the call was answered, "can you keep Lindsey for the next two days?" Catherine saw Grissom's eyes go wide and his shoulders slump in relief. "Thanks sis, will you put her on?" There was a brief pause but Gil knew when Lindsey came on the phone before Catherine spoke a word. A warm beautiful glow adorned her face and he wished he could make her feel like that.

"Hey Kiddo," she greeted her daughter, laughter in her voice, "do you mind spending sometime with your Aunt Nancy and Jeremy so I can stay at your Uncle Gil's for a couple of days?"

Grissom held his breath at the question. Would Lindsey be annoyed, resent the fact that he was taking up her mother's precious time when she could be spending it with her? The last thing he wanted to do was hurt someone else.

"Okay honey, sure he's here," and Catherine handed her cell phone to Gil without another word noting the surprise and a slight dread in his expression.

"Uncle Gil?" came the sombre voice that sounded at odds with the mental picture of the child he carried in his heart.

"Hey Linds, how are you?" he asked trying to sound cheerful and not afraid.

"I'm fine," the little girl answered and then shocked him, "but you don't have to pretend with me and mom." His surprise must have shown on his face because Catherine was wearing a puzzled look, "Just do as mom tells you so you get better and we can get back to being together like a real family, okay?"

There were tears in Grissom's deep blue eyes and he struggled no to let them show in his voice as he answered, "I will, Lindsey, I promise."

They each said their goodbyes and then Catherine hustled Gil out to the parking lot before he could take cold feet, and he explained exactly what Lindsey had said to him.

"She's a smart one, that," Catherine admitted with pride.

"Yeah," Grissom replied, "she takes after her mother."